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Perceptions of Marriage: The Renaissance Family vs. Individualism

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“The blessing, which the God of Abraham gave Unto the tribe of Judah, light on thee, And multiply thy days, that thou mayst see Thy children’s children prosper after thee.” - The Chronicle History of King Leir (a source for Shakespeare's King Lear)

One reason for the decline of marriage is the widespread misconception that marriage only affects the man and woman involved in the relationship. Over the past few decades in America, as it has become easier and easier to get what we want when we want it, we have become more selfish and self-centered. This shift is reflected in several aspects of daily living; from our choice in clothes and hairstyles, to the way we eat fast food, everything tells us that we are individuals and that we maintain the right to dress, eat, feel, and act as we choose if it makes us happy. Marriage has also become an arena for self-gratification and individual happiness. Americans believe that we marry someone who makes us happy; then, when we stop being happy in the marriage, we abandon it and our spouse in order to continue to satisfy our individual needs.

This selfish view of marriage and the world did not always exist. In other cultures, and even in our own past, marriage was seen as a larger commitment, which affected not just the bride and groom, but other people as well. Bruce Young, an English professor at BYU explains that during Shakespeare's time,the European notion of marriage was very different from modern views. The principles of what might be called the "Renaissance family" are illustrated in several of Shakespeare's plays; principles which are centered on the idea that marriage is a union between two people, but has an effect on other family members and the community, and thus the world at large. When two people married, they had a responsibility not only to each other, but also to family, friends, neighbors, and God. The concept of the family during the Renaissance suggests that marriage affects everybody, and can be either helpful or harmful to society, depending on the couple's attitude and effort.

In short, marriage is a union in which many people are involved, including God (because we are His children and are bringing more of His children into the world). We don’t marry for ourselves, though as it turns out, we are happier when we are married. Still, marriage is about others. At the World Conference on Families, Rabbi Daniel Lapin distinguished between the ideology of community and family and that of the individual in advocating strong, monogamous marriages (www.worldcongress.org).